Saturday, November 27, 2010

Nanowrimo day 27: Bring the action

It's a little rough, unedited, but I thought I would post an excerpt.  This is a scene were the psycho, TA, has been spotted while all the Six Sex Sisters are attending a party.  They are sequestered into a holding room where Victor wants them to stay put, with a body guard watching them.  They are all frantic and the scene is fast-paced (as most of my scenes are).  Scenes are short, lots of dialogue and switches POV a lot.
 
“Hey, hey, can we not get into that today?" Kitty said, going over to Victor. “Vic, where’s Icee?”

“Icee went to look for him too.”

“What? Vic, why would you let him do that? He’s not equipped to handle him like your guys. What if something happens? He could get hurt!” Kitty was about to have a break down.

Vic put his arm around her. “Come on sis, you know I wouldn’t put him in harms way. I could not convince the man to stay, he has his heart set on catching him himself.” Vic rubbed her shoulder. “Stop worrying, okay. Take care of your babies.”

“Fuck this, send me out there to look for him,” Sarena said.

“No, stay here.”

“In hiding?”

“Let me make sure everything is cool before I send you back out there. Okay, can you do that for me?”

Victor left the room, and only Timothy stayed with them. Kitty pulled out her phone to call Icee.

“Babe,” he said.

“Where are you?”

She heard Icee blow out a breath, but he did not say anything.

“Icee, come back! I don't want you out there. Let Victor’s guys handle it.”

“Hell no! This is my problem, okay.”

“Icee,” Kitty said, in tears. “Please come back. I’m scared. I don’t know what I would do if something--”

“Stop that talk,” Sarena said, grabbing the phone.

“Icee, find his ass, kill his ass. Period.” Sarena hung up the phone.

Not my best scene, but a scene that moves the story a bit at the frantic paced ending.  Actually, the next few lines is where Sarena takes out the body guard Timothy and disarms him, rushes out after TA and gets into a shoot-out.  But it needs a lot of editing to get it to move right.

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